Expectations That Kill a Relationship Before It Starts
When we meet someone new and when we start getting to know each other better, we tend to fantasize about a peachy relationship without even really accepting some essential things about this person.
Sometimes, he who seems as a perfect match turns out to be anything but. The two of you might like each other, but there might be zero chemistry, or the two of you could want completely different things at this stage of life. Many people miss out on having a perfectly happy relationship because they let their expectations ruin everything from the very beginning.
Here are some examples of wrong expectations:
“Too much honesty will scare the person away”
There is a huge difference between pledging your enormous, undying love for a person on the second date and hiding your true self. Of course you shouldn’t swap your new date with unexpected rush of emotions, but concealing your past or not being true about what you want in the future won’t get you anywhere. Speak up with integrity and let the person get to know you without any lies.
Keep in mind that you might get him to call you again if you lie about wanting to get married soon, but you surely won’t keep him around once he finds out your true intentions if the two of you agreed on just having casual fun together.
“I need to focus my whole life on him/her and drop everything else”
If you devote yourself completely to this starting relationship, no matter how great potential it might have, you might lose yourself. You might think you ought to give up on your passions and organize your time around this new person, but this is completely wrong.
When you do this, when you change your own self, along with your needs and desires, all in favor of a new relationship, guess what happens? You become far less interesting than before, and your new date might search for someone with more “personal content”.
“I think I should be his one and only priority”
Of course, we all need to feel we’re an important part of our partner’s lives, but bringing this kind of pressure into a new-born relationship is very dangerous. Remember, this person had a life before you; they have their own friends, family, and their own needs and obligations. Their life didn’t start the moment they’ve met you, and they can’t just drop everything and become your sole property. No one likes being pressured at the very beginning of a relationship and doing so might scare your date away.
“He/she will change for me”
Probably the most important part of any relationship should be accepting the person for what they are, and loving them for it. Yes, this means that if you’ve fallen for a person who has a nasty habit of lying and cheating, he/she won’t drop it for you. Your love won’t fix and change a person radically, no matter how much you love them.
Ask yourself if you can accept your date for everything they really are (flaws ‘n’ all). In case you can’t it would be best for you both if you moved on and found someone whose true nature doesn’t bother you.
